Love is a beautiful thing, but it doesn’t always last forever. And the harsh truth is sometimes you’re the one to blame for the demise of your relationship. You may be sabotaging a perfectly good pairing by practicing destructive behaviors, and you may not even be aware of what you’re doing. Here are some relationship killers to steer clear of at all costs.
4 Relationship Killers to Avoid at All Costs
Do you feel uneasy every time your partner receives a text message or phone call? You’ll need to learn how to relax and trust your partner if you want your relationship to move forward. Constantly acting suspicious is not attractive. Furthermore, if you’re accusing your partner of cheating, and you happen to be wrong, this behavior could have a negative outcome. Your lack of trust could eventually push him or her into the arms of someone else. Psychologist Robert L. Leahy said jealousy is partly a result of anger and insecurity.
“Jealousy is angry, agitated worry. When we are jealous we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing and we fear he or she will reject us. … Your jealousy may jeopardize the relationship. … Jealousy seldom makes relationships more secure. Practicing effective relationship behaviors is often a much better alternative,” Lahey said.
Avoid trying to find the worst in every situation. If you’re always looking for the negative, you will eventually look up and realize no one wants to be around you. Having a positive attitude will not only make you feel better but also those around you. How can you expect your partner to want to spend time with you if you never have anything positive to say? Most people want to spend time with someone who makes them feel good.
Dating and relationship expert Matthew Hussey says negative behavior will dampen the passion in your relationship. “Don’t moan. Half the people I know — both men and women — the first thing they do when someone says, ‘How are you doing?’ is [complain]. They’ll say, ‘Oh, well this happened today, and that happened today…I’m tired and I haven’t gotten enough sleep…’ That is the impression they’re going to get of you from then on…you have to be someone who really enjoys their life,” Hussey said.
Don’t compare your partner to others. Sure, you may see an attractive person and admire his or her looks, but you should never tell your partner you wished he or she looked like that person. It is rude and one of the quickest ways to destroy your partner’s self-esteem and the relationship. Be kind to each other and celebrate your uniqueness.
Dr. Tim Kimmel, founder and executive director of Family Matters, said comparison can be poisonous to your relationship. “I’ve seen couples miss the chance to refuel each other’s sense of security by carping about physical issues that aren’t in that person’s control. Criticism about your spouse’s body type drains their sense of security almost every time…Comparison doesn’t help a spouse feel secure, either,” Kimmel said.
Relationships take work. If you want your partnership to thrive, you’ll have to invest the time and energy needed to nurture your union. Don’t rely on yesterday’s deposits into your partner’s love bank. Each day offers a new opportunity to show how much you care for and appreciate each other.
Success coach Dan Maxwell Jr. warns against putting your relationship on autopilot. “It may be tempting to put your romantic relationship on autopilot while you focus on children or your job,” said Maxwell. “However, this can have a serious long-term impact on your love. Couples often assume their relationship can continue while they ignore each other. However, they’re wrong. It’s important to keep your relationship in mind and take action each day to strengthen it.”